Since a friend of mine had a dream where I was sitting on the porch of Frigga's hall, drinking coffee and gossiping with Fulla, I've felt the pull to do something with her - Fulla, that is.
So, that's what I did this morning. I read a bit more about her, brewed a pot of white chocolate raspberry coffee, and was going to do a standard Blot, but that felt wrong. So I tied a yellow scarf on my head, sat down in front of the altar (after all of the Hails!) and drank coffee and shared gossip with her.
It was a wonderful experience, to say the least. She was gracious, friendly, and positive, and the vibes were good.
Highlights:
"Yes, I am Full. When I am full, I share."
Find shoes for her to bless.
Do a Pagan Fulla Kaffeklatsch. With multiple people. She really seemed to like the idea.
Blessed Be!
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
The Branches: Eros and Psyche
Tonight I participated in the Mystery of Eros and Psyche, part of the Liturgy of the Fellowship of Isis.
Here is my report:
At the Invocation to Venus at the beginning, I felt her lift my head by my chin. I couldn't really see Her when I looked, and she told me to use the sacred water from my altar to clear my vision, so I washed my brow with it.
The Rite and the story that it tells touched me profoundly. I will try here to impart the wisdom that I feel that I received:
Psyche did not mean to draw the worship from the Goddesses. She did not know the consequences of the adoration of mankind, when they paid attention to her rather than to the Divine. She did not realize that the world would fall into disorder as a result, which is why she approached the Delphic Oracle to ask aid.
When it came to the period of contemplation, it felt like Juno, Ceres, and Venus spoke to me each in turn. This is the gist of what I was told.
Psyche erred in thrusting forward the Flame of Truth. Truth should not be used as a weapon. Let the light of Juno's lamp gently illuminate, and see what it there. Witness. See the contours. As a result she burned Eros, and drove him away.
Every act performed in love of spirit is an act of worship of divinity. The Goddess does not abandon you; you fail to reach out to Her instead reaching out for the material that cloaks Her and that She shapes. When you reach for the matter of a thing, be it a physical object or objective or a feeling you wish to experience, rather than seeking to interact with Spirit through it, you do as the mortals who abandoned the altars of Juno, Ceres, and Venus did. Always act in Spirit. Always act in the Goddess. Your every act will then be an act of worship, a part of the Divine dance and interplay. Do not abandon Juno, Ceres, and Venus for Psyche. Discourage others from doing so through you as well. To ignore the Goddess is to leave yourself vulnerable, without their aid and guidance.
I asked for all of their aid, and the aid of my Matron, in accomplishing this. It seemed clear to me that it was not to be a constant struggle of the mind. It was a way to act, and to be.
My personal contemplations, post-ritual:
When I first read the rite and wanted to perform it, it was because I was seeking a Rite that would help me unify disparate parts of myself. The Student at the beginning asked about how to reconcile Love and Truth.
However, when I performed the Rite, the focus seemed to be different than what first attracted me to it, and I think that that is telling, given the revelations that I received. I was looking for one thing, a thing in myself, and answer to a greater wholeness. I did not find it in the way I thought I had.
Venus speaks of the love and beauty that is in the moment, that is always about. That the what is accomplished through force and bloodshed yield fruits of pain over time. Every moment is filled with it. She reminds us that the weeds are as lovely as the carefully planted rows. That there is a well of ecstasy inside all of us at every moment. This is the Love.
The Truth is what I had been overlooking: that that beauty is imminent. There are things all around me that I am neglecting in favor of things so far-off as not to be here.
I am still absorbing these things, still letting them sink in, and I have a study guide to complete for this ritual. I hope I can find the union of Love and Truth within me, two principles that I have always considered important. I hope to absorb the gnosis of these things fully, and that the gentle light of Truth will help me to understand the topography of the Love that is all around me.
Even if it is not the fusion that I thought I would achieve when I first read the rite, I hope that I find it. I was drawn to it for a reason, it is an important lesson that I must pay heed to in my life and ways.
I hope to do and be in Spirit, and never leave the altars neglected. Love spirit. Love Love.
Blessed Be
Here is my report:
At the Invocation to Venus at the beginning, I felt her lift my head by my chin. I couldn't really see Her when I looked, and she told me to use the sacred water from my altar to clear my vision, so I washed my brow with it.
The Rite and the story that it tells touched me profoundly. I will try here to impart the wisdom that I feel that I received:
Psyche did not mean to draw the worship from the Goddesses. She did not know the consequences of the adoration of mankind, when they paid attention to her rather than to the Divine. She did not realize that the world would fall into disorder as a result, which is why she approached the Delphic Oracle to ask aid.
When it came to the period of contemplation, it felt like Juno, Ceres, and Venus spoke to me each in turn. This is the gist of what I was told.
Psyche erred in thrusting forward the Flame of Truth. Truth should not be used as a weapon. Let the light of Juno's lamp gently illuminate, and see what it there. Witness. See the contours. As a result she burned Eros, and drove him away.
Every act performed in love of spirit is an act of worship of divinity. The Goddess does not abandon you; you fail to reach out to Her instead reaching out for the material that cloaks Her and that She shapes. When you reach for the matter of a thing, be it a physical object or objective or a feeling you wish to experience, rather than seeking to interact with Spirit through it, you do as the mortals who abandoned the altars of Juno, Ceres, and Venus did. Always act in Spirit. Always act in the Goddess. Your every act will then be an act of worship, a part of the Divine dance and interplay. Do not abandon Juno, Ceres, and Venus for Psyche. Discourage others from doing so through you as well. To ignore the Goddess is to leave yourself vulnerable, without their aid and guidance.
I asked for all of their aid, and the aid of my Matron, in accomplishing this. It seemed clear to me that it was not to be a constant struggle of the mind. It was a way to act, and to be.
My personal contemplations, post-ritual:
When I first read the rite and wanted to perform it, it was because I was seeking a Rite that would help me unify disparate parts of myself. The Student at the beginning asked about how to reconcile Love and Truth.
However, when I performed the Rite, the focus seemed to be different than what first attracted me to it, and I think that that is telling, given the revelations that I received. I was looking for one thing, a thing in myself, and answer to a greater wholeness. I did not find it in the way I thought I had.
Venus speaks of the love and beauty that is in the moment, that is always about. That the what is accomplished through force and bloodshed yield fruits of pain over time. Every moment is filled with it. She reminds us that the weeds are as lovely as the carefully planted rows. That there is a well of ecstasy inside all of us at every moment. This is the Love.
The Truth is what I had been overlooking: that that beauty is imminent. There are things all around me that I am neglecting in favor of things so far-off as not to be here.
I am still absorbing these things, still letting them sink in, and I have a study guide to complete for this ritual. I hope I can find the union of Love and Truth within me, two principles that I have always considered important. I hope to absorb the gnosis of these things fully, and that the gentle light of Truth will help me to understand the topography of the Love that is all around me.
Even if it is not the fusion that I thought I would achieve when I first read the rite, I hope that I find it. I was drawn to it for a reason, it is an important lesson that I must pay heed to in my life and ways.
I hope to do and be in Spirit, and never leave the altars neglected. Love spirit. Love Love.
Blessed Be
Monday, April 16, 2012
The Flowers - Butterfly Vortex
Butterflies were everywhere today. I stood on the corner of the street and was surrounded by a veritable Butterfly Vortex. I made sure to thank them and asked them to help me learn what they came to show me and accept it as well. I hope that Butterfly is patient with me.
My cursory research associates butterflies with the soul (in many, many traditions apparently) and with transformation and becoming. I know that there is great change ahead of me; I hope that I can hang on and ride it out to the fullest.
Butterflies are also beautiful, and remind me of the beauty in life.
Butterflies!
My cursory research associates butterflies with the soul (in many, many traditions apparently) and with transformation and becoming. I know that there is great change ahead of me; I hope that I can hang on and ride it out to the fullest.
Butterflies are also beautiful, and remind me of the beauty in life.
Butterflies!
Sunday, April 8, 2012
A Falling Leaf - A Humbling Experience
Tonight someone asked me jokingly what I'd accomplished. I responded with a spew of comments laden with vitriol, calling the person out for calling me a slacker, and enumerating the things that I've done and do that feel were worthy or good, and all of the ills that I've survived that haven't turned me darker.
He replied to me, upset at my tone and what I'd said. I hadn't realized that he had been joking. I probably should have, but I'm not good at that at the best of times, and online I can be downright terrible about it. I apologized, and cleared it up, but could tell that he was still hurt. I had said some harsh things.
I was sickened when I realized how hurtful I had been, and how proud I'd sounded. How proud I was of little victories, and of supposedly surviving things that I felt had made me stronger. I had, and am still riding, and unpleasant wave of humility and perspective; not the virtous kind but the kind that puts you in your place. The kind that reminds you that you are small, and that no matter what you've done, it will never measure up to what you'd really wished you'd do. Even now I'm fighting to write this in an impartial way, neither to fall to the error of giving myself too much credit or generalizing my faults as being things that "we all do".
I work close to myself. I help my friends and loved ones where I can, but maybe I'm still a lazy and selfish creature in a lot of ways. Maybe I am an ass. I certainly acted like one tonight. All of the paths that people consider to be the greater paths of service to humankind are things that paralyze me: as a modern soldier, how could I be sure that I would be fighting for right? As a charity worker, how could I ensure that the things I provide wouldn't just go to supporting a corrupt system? That's why I try to work locally, on the people and places and things that I know.
At the same time, I am fully disgusted with myself for my laziness, my small-mindedness, my elitism, arrogance, and pride. While I was penning that outburst, I was full of self-righteous anger, defining myself by my accomplishments. When my friend replied to me, hurt, I could only see how small and petty those things were, and couldn't but feel that I'm fooling myself about my own positive effect on the world.
How can I know that what I do is good? How can I be sure?
I wanted to beg the Goddess for forgiveness, for some kind of absolution, and very clearly felt in my heart, "Only you can make your heart as light as the feather. Only you can absolve yourself. Only you can forgive yourself." I can only absolve myself of my guilt at laziness, arrogance, and wasted time by behaving differently, and to my satisfaction. I want to take this lesson, take this feeling of smallness, and keep it as a reminder, a calibration along the rod by which I measure myself.
I've done good things, but when I look at myself I realize that I can do more, and that I am not satisfied with what I have done thus far. People tell me that I think too much of others and not of myself often enough. Right now I'm fairly certain that the reverse is true. I don't know if I want to be selfless, but I want to feel worthy of my own admiration and that which others give me again, and not be satisfied to be puffed up on false pride.
He replied to me, upset at my tone and what I'd said. I hadn't realized that he had been joking. I probably should have, but I'm not good at that at the best of times, and online I can be downright terrible about it. I apologized, and cleared it up, but could tell that he was still hurt. I had said some harsh things.
I was sickened when I realized how hurtful I had been, and how proud I'd sounded. How proud I was of little victories, and of supposedly surviving things that I felt had made me stronger. I had, and am still riding, and unpleasant wave of humility and perspective; not the virtous kind but the kind that puts you in your place. The kind that reminds you that you are small, and that no matter what you've done, it will never measure up to what you'd really wished you'd do. Even now I'm fighting to write this in an impartial way, neither to fall to the error of giving myself too much credit or generalizing my faults as being things that "we all do".
I work close to myself. I help my friends and loved ones where I can, but maybe I'm still a lazy and selfish creature in a lot of ways. Maybe I am an ass. I certainly acted like one tonight. All of the paths that people consider to be the greater paths of service to humankind are things that paralyze me: as a modern soldier, how could I be sure that I would be fighting for right? As a charity worker, how could I ensure that the things I provide wouldn't just go to supporting a corrupt system? That's why I try to work locally, on the people and places and things that I know.
At the same time, I am fully disgusted with myself for my laziness, my small-mindedness, my elitism, arrogance, and pride. While I was penning that outburst, I was full of self-righteous anger, defining myself by my accomplishments. When my friend replied to me, hurt, I could only see how small and petty those things were, and couldn't but feel that I'm fooling myself about my own positive effect on the world.
How can I know that what I do is good? How can I be sure?
I wanted to beg the Goddess for forgiveness, for some kind of absolution, and very clearly felt in my heart, "Only you can make your heart as light as the feather. Only you can absolve yourself. Only you can forgive yourself." I can only absolve myself of my guilt at laziness, arrogance, and wasted time by behaving differently, and to my satisfaction. I want to take this lesson, take this feeling of smallness, and keep it as a reminder, a calibration along the rod by which I measure myself.
I've done good things, but when I look at myself I realize that I can do more, and that I am not satisfied with what I have done thus far. People tell me that I think too much of others and not of myself often enough. Right now I'm fairly certain that the reverse is true. I don't know if I want to be selfless, but I want to feel worthy of my own admiration and that which others give me again, and not be satisfied to be puffed up on false pride.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
The Seeds - An Evening Rite
Tonight, when I performed the Evening Rite, I felt very intensely "into" it. With rites that someone performs daily or on a regular basis, there are times when, despite your best efforts you feel as though you are just going through the motions, and there are times when everything "clicks". This was one of those times for me.
The Rite itself consists of an invocation to Sarasvati, the Hindu Goddess of Wisdom, and listening to an Oracle of Hers. Then Ratri is invoked with a hymn, and the blessing of Earth is called. Then Ninlil and water, Isis and air, Devi and fire, and Demeter and spirit. Following that is a period of silent communion. After the communion, healing is sent and the Goddesses are thanked for their grace.
With the invocation of Ratri there was a "zing" that went up my spine and body, an electric, intense force that traveled over me in a wave. It was very potent, and I felt Her presence very strongly.
On most days I don't get much feeling from the communion portion. I merely remain silent and keep myself open. Tonight, though, intuition tugged my body into the Wings of Isis a.k.a. Goddess posture to receive wisdom. (Some of this, like the wisdom part, is coming spontaneously.) I contemplated each of the Goddesses seperately, fought to keep my thoughts under control and calm, and tried to "stare" at my third eye by focusing both of my physical eyes upwards and towards each other, and I felt a repeat of that "Zing!" that I felt with the hymn to Ratri, but much more forceful and internal. I felt the energy shooting up within me, dancing back and forth, and saw a serpent inside myself, writhing and dancing upwards, and I had the impression of a cobra's head coming out of my crown and facing forwards.
My eyes opened as the energy poured up, and I sent out healing to those who needed it as well as the rest of the Aset Shemsu. I would keep drawing energy up and releasing it in a warm, orange-red wave towards the object. I haven't felt energy surge through me like that in quite a long time.
I said my thanks to the Goddesses, put out my candles, contemplated, then decided to record the experience.
One thing to note is that I was playing with kundalini energy just before performing this rite. It is possible that this enhanced it, but it's something that doesn't "just happen" for me, I need to be in the mood, which I suppose is only appropriate given the energy and my methods.
In any case, I thank:
Sarasvati the Wise, of the Golden Eyes,
Ratri, the gentle Night,
Ninlil who bathes in the pure stream,
Isis who moves the air with Her wings,
Devi who guards the flame and is the flame,
and Demeter, the source of Ambrosia and Earth Mother.
Blessed Be,
Amma Iset
The Rite itself consists of an invocation to Sarasvati, the Hindu Goddess of Wisdom, and listening to an Oracle of Hers. Then Ratri is invoked with a hymn, and the blessing of Earth is called. Then Ninlil and water, Isis and air, Devi and fire, and Demeter and spirit. Following that is a period of silent communion. After the communion, healing is sent and the Goddesses are thanked for their grace.
With the invocation of Ratri there was a "zing" that went up my spine and body, an electric, intense force that traveled over me in a wave. It was very potent, and I felt Her presence very strongly.
On most days I don't get much feeling from the communion portion. I merely remain silent and keep myself open. Tonight, though, intuition tugged my body into the Wings of Isis a.k.a. Goddess posture to receive wisdom. (Some of this, like the wisdom part, is coming spontaneously.) I contemplated each of the Goddesses seperately, fought to keep my thoughts under control and calm, and tried to "stare" at my third eye by focusing both of my physical eyes upwards and towards each other, and I felt a repeat of that "Zing!" that I felt with the hymn to Ratri, but much more forceful and internal. I felt the energy shooting up within me, dancing back and forth, and saw a serpent inside myself, writhing and dancing upwards, and I had the impression of a cobra's head coming out of my crown and facing forwards.
My eyes opened as the energy poured up, and I sent out healing to those who needed it as well as the rest of the Aset Shemsu. I would keep drawing energy up and releasing it in a warm, orange-red wave towards the object. I haven't felt energy surge through me like that in quite a long time.
I said my thanks to the Goddesses, put out my candles, contemplated, then decided to record the experience.
One thing to note is that I was playing with kundalini energy just before performing this rite. It is possible that this enhanced it, but it's something that doesn't "just happen" for me, I need to be in the mood, which I suppose is only appropriate given the energy and my methods.
In any case, I thank:
Sarasvati the Wise, of the Golden Eyes,
Ratri, the gentle Night,
Ninlil who bathes in the pure stream,
Isis who moves the air with Her wings,
Devi who guards the flame and is the flame,
and Demeter, the source of Ambrosia and Earth Mother.
Blessed Be,
Amma Iset
Thursday, March 8, 2012
The Seeds - A Full Moon Rite
First we were to find an image of the Caduceus to meditate on and guide us in raising energy in the Rite. I chose both of the above, for obvious reasons.
I performed Isidora Forest's cleansing and consecration rite, cast a circle, and did the Elemental Pillars. I called out to the Ancestors and Blessed Dead that might wish to join me; Rose and Apuleius specifically (as if he had nothing better to do ;) )I invoked my Lady many times and by many names, as is only appropriate for Myrianymos. Afterwards I stood in the center of my space and meditated on the imaged, first drawing the moonlight down through me into the earth, and then drawing the energy below upwards, following the paths of the serpents, up through my form and out my crown and hands. As I beamed it out into the Universe, I used the provided prayer:
In the Names of Isis and Osiris may all beings be blessed: the Sidhe and humans, animals and birds, reptiles, fish, insects, trees and plants and every element.
Pure as milk and smooth as silk, white as the silver that sings the name of the Moon. Serpents of light dancing in corridors of color, sounds of all sorts. Hail falling, crackling against the outer barrier, white from the heavens, water in pure crystal form. CLEAR. CLEAN. Safe. Warm. Womb. Night. Light. Her Might! In and down, up and out, from Her to me to All.
That was spontaneous, but as good a summary as any.
I bid farewell to the Ancestors and Elements and closed the temple, then performed the Evening Rite and the Shrine Dedication. The Prayer to Devi seemed especially pertinent: "...riseth, piercing the mystic centers, until thou hast reached the high place".
A rite-ful night, and now I sit and eat little round white shortening cookies a coworker made for me, and drink milk and record my experiences, or at least, what I did. I will endeavor to fill this space with more insight over time. Often when I perform rites like this they take a while to sink in and manifest. I'm just glad for the connection and the communion time, and hope that the energy that I raised bolstered and healed the others of my Iseum, my loved ones, my beloved Ancestors, the Aset Shemsu, the rest of the Silver Web, and well... "the Sidhe and humans, animals and birds, reptiles, fish, insects, trees and plants and every element."
Namaste, and Amma Iset.
Monday, January 23, 2012
The Seeds - A New Moon Rite
Tonight I did a New Moon rite, attuning to the other members of my Iseum as I did so. It was the first time that I called out to Hekate, and I called out to Osiris as well, as I usually do on the New Moon.
Here are the invocations that I used:
Here are the invocations that I used:
New Moon Invocation to Osiris:
Hail to you Osiris, who has died and returned! God of Life and Lord of the Living, Dying God and King of the Dead! Son of Earth and Sky and Father of Anubis and Horus! Good God of Green and Grain, Lord of Love, Beautiful Boy! Hail to you Moon God, White God, Green God, Song God, Dance God, Laughter God, Dying God, Dead God, Reborn God!
Hail to you, Ausar, on this night of the New Moon, a night held sacred to you since ancient times. Into darkness the moon has descended, as you did to the underworld. Now its white light grows, as your purity and power ever do, towards the height of its majesty.
Your sweet name is remembered by us, the followers of Isis, your sister and bride, and you are honored by us on this night. We remember that light will always come after darkness, that hope will rise like the moon from the horizon, that the grain will always grow again.
Grant us guiding light in the dark, healing, and strength for this Moon, Good God. Blessed be to you and welcome.
and:
Invocation to Hekate:
Hekate,
Lady of the Crossroads,
Lady of Doors,
Lady of the meeting place of Sea, Sky, and Stone,
I call out to you.
Hekate,
Lady of the Crossroads,
Lady of Thresholds,
Lady of Portals,
We are mortal, and cannot see far beyond the place that we stand.
We are mortal, and do not know what lies down each road.
We are mortal, and do not know what lies behind each door.
Torch-bearing Phosphoros (Light Bearer), help us to see in the darkness of the unknown.
Help us to see the signposts that hang at the crossroads, and to read them, and to understand them.
Help us to see the plaques upon the doors, and to read them, and to understand them.
That we choose the best roads to walk,
The best thresholds to cross,
And arrive at the best destinations.
Hail to you, Hekate Enodia! (Goddess of the Paths) Goddess of the Crossroads!
Hail to you, Hekate Propylaia! (The One Before the Gate) Goddess of the Thresholds!
Hail to you, Hekate Crataeis! (The Mighty One) Goddess of Star, Sea, and Stone!
Blessed be to you and welcome!
Impressions:
The strong impression that Hekate was letting me know that all that she had been described as to me was not all that there was. She is both beautiful and terrible. She told me not to sit cross-legged, but to kneel, as was proper for me. Mostly I simply sensed her presence. I hope that more will be revealed as time goes on. However, I am pleased to have made contact with the Lady of the Crossroads, and pleased that it was a pleasant experience. When I was done with the communion and it was time to make offering and wrap up, I felt three distinct kisses on my crown.
As a side note, during meditation earlier on in the day, three young women approached me, laughing and smiling holding hands or with their arms around the others' waists. I had the impression that this was She, and that She was showing me that she was young and beautiful as well as ancient and powerful, and that She welcomed my invocation.
As a side note, during meditation earlier on in the day, three young women approached me, laughing and smiling holding hands or with their arms around the others' waists. I had the impression that this was She, and that She was showing me that she was young and beautiful as well as ancient and powerful, and that She welcomed my invocation.
Lord Ausar, Osiris... words often fail when it comes to describing the love I feel for him. Beautiful, strong, wise, stern, pure, loving... he is the ideal man, the ideal Father, to me. There are many Gods I love, but not in the way that I love him. I felt him tap me on either shoulder with an implement when it was time to rise from the communion, and share the offerings.
During the communion period, I had a vision of the light crossing the surface of the moon, but looking like a film, something covering the moon in its darkness. It was distinctly opalescent. I had the impression/suggestion: it is easier to see by the dark of the moon, the light of the full moon can blind you. I think that I grok this.
During the communion period, I had a vision of the light crossing the surface of the moon, but looking like a film, something covering the moon in its darkness. It was distinctly opalescent. I had the impression/suggestion: it is easier to see by the dark of the moon, the light of the full moon can blind you. I think that I grok this.
It was a good Rite, and a good night.
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