Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Seeds - A Renaissaince

It has been well over a year since I've published here, and I'm only now returning to it.  A lot has happened in the last year, regarding myself and my understanding of who I am on multiple levels of being.

On a social level, I came out of the closet as transgender, and began to live openly as the person who I am.  This ties in closely with the spiritual level, where I've had a serious reset and re-examination of what I believe.

Over the course of this past year I've lived through a dark night of the soul.  Surrounded by voices online that tried to convince me that everything was nothing, that nothing mattered, that all was pointless, that I should give up trying to find meaning or understanding the world because it was just a bunch of random, pointless, empty crap.


The places I traveled to and through to climb out of the pits of numbness and abandon were many and varied.  My partner held me in a tent in a campground while I ranted drunkenly about nihilism and wept and tore at myself.  I consulted a Heathen priestess and pushed her to channel a Kemetic Goddess, which turned into a strange and stirring occasion for the other participants and observers as much as it was for me.  I forced myself to look, eyes skinned and blank-wide, over and over into the abyss of nothing that I was continually told was behind everything.  I confronted the idea of Nothing, of Absence, of ultimate, total loss, and I've been tempered by it.  I stood beneath the sky when the planets formed a hexagram and opened a window to the Limitless Light and heard secrets that I was told that I would forget until I needed to know them, and saw the paths to the light.

This is no accident.  This is design.  The design exists at all levels.  We are not alone.

And, just as I am writing this, I receive a message from a complete stranger:

"May the light shine through you and give you strength, 
keep the faith."

So, this blog is starting back up.  When I stood beneath the hexagram I was told over and over again that it was time for me to let my light shine, and this is going to be one of the prisms or lenses through which I cast it.  So be it.

Namaste, Amma, We Are One

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